From a psychological point of view, there are many things to take into consideration when it comes to children returning to school. Parents have several worries but, here in this blog, we outline strategies and tips from psychologists that can be used at this time of year.
As we all know, this year has not been like any other - it has truly been bizarre! As we get back into some sort of routine, there are things that parents can do a little differently to overcome complicated emotions that children may experience as they get back into the flow of school.
Familiarity
Everything is different; there is nothing that this can be compared to. Going back to school after lockdown has been hard! If your child is still nervous (which is understandable), your aim should be to calm them down. This can be achieved by using calm words and actions. For example, you could try using words such as ‘relax', 'quiet', 'calm' and 'free’, along with taking some time out to take deep breaths and relax the body, positive talking or even singing out loud!
Consistency and structure is key. Stick to something that happens every day at home; this could be something like family meal times. It keeps a structure in the child's mind and ensures a feeling of safety.
When it comes to talking about COVID-19, try comparing it to something familiar, like a tummy bug (for which schools also take precautions to avoid spreading) is helpful. When the current situation is compared to a tummy bug, children place this in a familiar frame, which then results in them using existing coping methods, which automatically decreases stress and anxiety levels.
Another way to help is to answer their questions honestly; if you sugarcoat or don't tell the truth (to make them feel better), they may misunderstand and this could result in a lack of trust. It is important that the child trusts you - parents, carers and teachers are a child's first port of call when looking for stability.
Supporting your child
Sometimes, children don’t know how to cope with all of their thoughts and feelings; they could be finding it hard adjusting to change. Writing a worry list can help children to address their problems and, sometimes, make them realise that the thought of their worry is scarier than the actual thing!
Keeping a worry list will help address each and every one of their problems and it's usually the first couple which are the ones that affect them the most. It is also important to reward children when they overcome something - this is a big step!
Calm minds are better for learning
As children settle back into school, you will find that they may fall back a little, which is normal. A child's wellbeing should be the priority for parents and teachers. Reassure them by explaining that it is OK and that it's perfectly normal to not be at the top of the class or the best at everything; show them that help is available when they need it and to speak out if they are anxious.
As a parent, do not worry if your child has fallen behind… they are not the only ones! All children have missed out on a big part of education (nearly 6 months!), meaning that many other children are in a similar position to your own. With some focus and work, they will be up to date with the curriculum and feeling more positive about their education :)
Friendship groups
As we have been told by the government to keep socially distant from others, some children may still feel cautious whilst they get used to this. Similarly, not seeing friends may have had an impact on them and made them feel a little segregated from others. If it is safe to do so, organise events with other parents so that children can socialise. This will help them emotionally as it is familiar ground; they will feel more at ease and will be happier that they are able to see and play with their friends (at a distance of course!). This will also help children who are usually a little shy or feel worried about the situation, as it will allow them to socialise with others in an environment that they are aware of and not feel too awkward about the situation. Do not pressure children, as it is something that they will naturally fall into after a while.
Tailoring support in a way that works for your child :)
Some children are more open about how they feel than others and this is OK. When approaching anxious children, these tips will help you to help them to open up. Firstly, when they get home from school, give them the space that they need. When you approach the issues, start off by talking about something to do with yourself; this shows that there is no pressure on your child and they will then talk about their problems when they are ready. Most importantly, when you talk to them, keep it lowkey; they’ll then know that it is information that will stay between the two of you, which, again, will encourage children to address anything that they’re concerned about.
For the children who are more open and want to talk, there is a chance that they could spiral, as they can’t contain them and need some help. To avoid this, suggest that they draw or write them out; this could be things like using colours about how they feel, or writing a list of the problems that they are concerned about, starting with the main ones. These can then be checked everyday to see if they have managed to overcome anything :)
It is so important that you regularly check in with them; this will help them to feel accomplished when their problems are sorted, even if it's one problem at a time - it really does make a difference. You will notice emotional changes, for example they may be laughing more and have more positive things to say abut school. Avoiding their anxieties and trying to cover them up may mean that they become worse and, therefore, even harder to tackle. Remember that our smallest worry could be their biggest, so it is important that no problems are avoided.
‘Listen, reflect and sit with it’
During conversations with your children, listen first and let them finish what they are talking about and then rephrase it. When you rephrase, it shows the child that you have heard what they have said and that they’ve been listened to, which will take a huge weight off their shoulders.
Just listening and accepting helps them enormously, as it encourages children to figure out their thoughts and feelings; it leads them to question themselves and have a conversation with their mind, which, in turn, is healing.
And lastly…
There are many emotions to expect: excitement, anxiety, sadness, anger and a feeling of loss. The best way to approach these emotions is to empathise with them. It is strongly recommended not to try to fix them. While empathising with them, make them realise that we all wish that things could go back to "normal" and to accept that there are changes, but we can get through this and be stronger and wiser. When that is addressed, only then move on to problem solving; they need to accept what is happening now and then prepare for further changes. Children will find it easier to adapt to what school life is right now if they feel more comfortable with everything that is happening :)
Parents are role models to their children so it is important that you approach this with the right attitude; doing so positively will help them to more easily adjust to what life is like at the moment.
And there is still lots to be positive about right now :)